May 21, 2013

10 Things Extraordinary People Say Every Day

Want to make a huge difference in someone’s life? Here are things you should say every day to your employees, colleagues, family members, friends, and everyone you care about:

1. “Here’s what I’m thinking.” You’re in charge, but that doesn’t mean you’re smarter,  savvier, or more insightful than everyone else. Back up your statements and decisions. Give reasons. Justify with logic, not with position or authority. Authority can make you “right,” but collaboration makes everyone right–and makes everyone pull together.

2. “I was wrong.” When you’re wrong, say you’re wrong. You won’t lose respect–you’ll gain it.

3. “That was awesome.” No one gets enough praise. No one. Pick someone–pick anyone–who does or did something well and say, “Wow, that was great how you…” Praise is a gift that costs the giver nothing but is priceless to the recipient. Start praising. The people around you will love you for it–and you’ll like yourself a little better, too.

4. “You’re welcome.” Think about a time you gave a gift and the recipient seemed uncomfortable. Their reaction took away a little of the fun for you, right? The same thing can happen when you are thanked or complimented or praised. Don’t spoil the moment or the fun for the other person. All you have to do is make eye contact and say, “Thank you.” Or make eye contact and say, “You’re welcome. I was glad to do it.”

5. “Can you help me?” When you need help, regardless of the type of help you need or the person you need it from, just say, sincerely and humbly, “Can you help me?” I promise you’ll get help. And in the process you’ll show vulnerability, respect, and a willingness to listen–which, by the way, are all qualities of a great leader. And are all qualities of a great friend.

6. “I’m sorry.” We all make mistakes, so we all have things we need to apologize for: words, actions, omissions, failing to step up, step in, or show support. Say you’re sorry, say why you’re sorry, and take all the blame. No less. No more.

7. “Can you show me?” When you ask to be taught or shown, several things happen: You implicitly show you respect the person giving the advice; you show you trust his or her experience, skill, and insight; and you get to better assess the value of the advice. Don’t just ask for input. Ask to be taught or trained or shown. Then you both win.

8. “Let me give you a hand.” Many people see asking for help as a sign of weakness. So, many people hesitate to ask for help. But everyone needs help. Be specific. Find something you can help with. Offer in a way that feels collaborative, not patronizing or gratuitous. Model the behavior you want your employees to display.

9. “I love you.” No, not at work, but everywhere you mean it–and every time you feel it.

10. Nothing. Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing. If you’re upset, frustrated, or angry,  stay quiet. You may think venting will make you feel better, but it never does. Be quiet until you know exactly what to say–and exactly what affect your words will have.

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Click here to read the complete article from inc.com.